Monday, February 6, 2012

Letting Go Of What You Love

Recently, I let go of something I love.

It was a hard decision. Mostly because I loved it. And also because I don't like giving up on things.

The hard truth of the matter is, I knew in my heart what needed to be done. My gut told me so. We rarely listen to our guts these days, especially when they tell us to do something that will hurt. I find the gut instinct, or intuition, is often overlooked because we want to trust our heads or our hearts. Eventually, though, we must do what is best. And if we let go of something with understanding and acceptance it doesn't hurt as much.

Of course, this did hurt, because I let go of it with exhaustion and frustration, and, if I'm being honest, a tiny bit of anger, as well. As soon as I pulled the trigger, I panicked and started to doubt what I'd done. But then, I sat back and really thought about it.

I am not a rash person. I do not leap before I look. As far back as I can remember, I've thought things through. Excessively so, really. What a pain the rear that can be. This situation wasn't any different. After the panic subsided, I realized the choking feeling of letting go was because I didn't do it with love. I released it with irritation.

At first, it took a long time for me to come to terms with what needed to be done. This was because I considered it mine, my baby, a part of me. Sure, I let others in on it and, over time, it became ours and not just mine. But secretly, between you and I, at the end of the day, it was mine. I nurtured it. I brooded over it. And I was left rattled when it seemingly fell to pieces months ago.

That is when I started to let go by distancing myself from it. After a couple of incidents, I realized, the thing I loved no longer brought me joy. It was a source of contention and made me tense. And that was my ah-ha moment! When I realized what I loved wasn't what it was anymore. What I loved was the idea of what it used to be. What I loved was in the past. And what it became ended up being nothing like what it was supposed to evolve into. Not in my mind, at least. 

Sure, I still loved it, but in the same way you love a film from your youth. You know, in your heart, if you watched it again, it wouldn't be the same. It's never really the same.

Ironically, I had to let go twice. Initially, by saying I was letting go, and later, while sitting on my couch mulling, I relinquished my grasp on it with love, understanding and perhaps a bit wistfulness. The first time it hurt, like I was being run over my an emotional steamroller, and the second time, not so much.

They say if you love something, let it go and if it comes back to you it was meant to be. I do believe this. For lovers, friends, family, careers, travels and even book projects. That said, you must let it go without the expectation or hope it will come back to you, because, in all reality,  a lot of things never return. And sometimes we realize we never had whatever it is we loved in the first place and so letting go is the only way of setting yourself free.

I know, this will never come back to me. And I'm okay with that.

19 comments:

Jobo Pooks said...

And now you want someone to ask you what it was so that you have an excuse just to hang on to it just that tiny bit more? xx

Jobo Pooks said...

In pushing against something, do we not give up some of our strength to it?

In simply observing something without attachment for a long while, do we not see how inconsequential it really is?

xx

Tyson said...

Pookie, I'm beginning to think you don't know me at all.

Or your ass from a hole in the ground. :D

Jobo Pooks said...

Coming in loud and clear....lol xx

Jobo Pooks said...

Tonight I saw something I have never ever seen before in all my 58years.

Tyson said...

58?

Jesus, that explains everything.

Senile old goat.

Jobo Pooks said...

You're ageist...I'd never have guest...honest! xx

Tyson said...

Guest? No one comes to visit you?
You know I will.

I like my men older. ;)

As you know.

Jobo Pooks said...

Yes, I get visits off real live human beings; they're called friends.
As for online comments - not arsed; they get out of hand and before you know it, you haven't done any work.lol

I'm moving into a new area of internet work now wherein I write through my compulsion to write and people can either take it or leave it....Ha! xxx

Tyson said...

I don't see how anything has changed then.

Jobo Pooks said...

Of course, what you see is what you get. How can it not be? xx

Tyson said...

So, what were you going to to tell me? Or have you forgotten?

Jobo Pooks said...

I'll tell you when you're 58.....you may have a better understanding of it then...lol xx

Tyson said...

Do you have another thirty years left in you?

Jobo Pooks said...

We'l have to wait and see...lol xx

Tyson said...

I love a good mystery.

Jobo Pooks said...

"Do you have another thirty years left in you?"

Do any of us?

When you think about it, for all we know, any one of us may only have the next second before being struck down by any number of things. lol xx

Tyson said...

I love it when you state the obvious. ;)

Jobo Pooks said...

Enjoy it. Any second it could all be over and done with. xx